I am unwinding a life. Two and a half years of self-employment comes to an end today and on Monday I am back to work.
I am excited for this new beginning; to have colleagues again, and the pattern of the school year, to release the fear of where (and when) the next contract is coming from. I am looking forward to the rituals of sports’ day and seasonal celebrations. It will be good to feel I am supporting an organisation and contributing.
It wasn’t expected. I had other plans. Sometimes things fall apart and you have to change direction, look at the stars, the sun, steer a new course.
I have stopped several work streams which have been important over the past eight years, pulled back from others, I am cancelling websites and plans. It is strange. After so long of trying to make one thing work, to be folding it up and putting it away.
I can be slow on the uptake. I repeat a pattern, only I don’t realise it’s a pattern because I have cunningly chosen to locate it in a different place, or with other people.
I am learning to paint a new pattern. It is not even, or regular. It does not “make sense”, it is not tidy or expected. My teachers would shake their heads, grown-ups would look at it baffled.
But there is joy in it, simplicity, freedom, hope, beauty.
And a measure of grace.