The darkest time and in the shadows things fall away.
I had a coaching session about fifteen months ago with Lauren Barber when I expressed a wish to stop working in education. After the session I was full of determination, I began unpicking strands of that work, but I found it hard to put it all down. It was so safe and known and people get it. The work kept coming in dribs and drabs. I kept saying yes. I kept telling people I wanted to leave education. But I kept doing it…Then a big contract ended suddenly, and at around the same time we moved and I lost my work space.
I can be pretty slow on the uptake at times. It seems to me obvious today that this was an ideal time to make a change. I could have said thanks to the universe and got busy with my “joy job” of healing, guiding and supporting others.
Instead I panicked and started trying to breathe new life into that old work stream. I grabbed at straws. I stumbled on with a foot in two camps, lurching from one kind of work to another, over-stretched, confused, anxious. I kept looking back and being angry with the way things had worked out, annoyed with business colleagues and the fact that I felt badly treated. It’s not fair (stamps feet, sits on floor, pouts). I was working hard to create my heart work stream but it was slow, stop-start progress, as I lacked the focus and energy, the force of intention and I split my attention across five different jobs.
Today I was once again looking back, feeling frustrated and betrayed, how hard I’ve worked, I told myself, and what for? It came suddenly, out of the sub-conscious, a good old slap from the universe. Hey sugar plum, say my guides, what are you moaning about? They did you a favour! This is what you wanted, what you’ve been dreaming about and manifesting the past eight years, a little thank you would be nice, instead of your personal pity-party. Say thanks to those people who “let you down” say thanks for the fact that they peeled away the things you no longer needed…(universe folds arms, taps feet, looks kind of pissed).
Ok, erm, noted.
I’m sure I’ve done this before. I wish for something and then when it shows up I keep looking beyond it, like I can’t see it somehow, or can’t believe it.
This month I’m doing work in two of my classes on transformations (in The Circle ) and transitions (with Angel Tribe). It’s time to do differently. Stop looking back and just put all that shiz down and move the flip on. It’s a gosh darn dream come true to have a chance to do the new work I’ve been given. The old served a purpose, had its place, but it’s time to say goodbye, create a little magic to let it go and move on.